So there I was, my faithful Joy of Cooking had failed me. My attempt resulted in a paste more akin to pâté. This was not the Classic Meat Loaf the recipe promised! Time went by and I gave it a second try - I cracked open the Gourmet cookbook and hoped that Ruth Reichl would steer me straight. I was careful not to overmix. I took note of the fact that most ground beef is ground twice, not coarse enough to deliver that pleasing texture. I did not rush out to buy the meat grinding attachment to the kitchen aid. I was hoping that not 'overmixing' would cover my bases

I wondered why I was on this quest to perfect meat loaf, or at least just make a reasonable facsimile. What is it about comfort food and why was I turning to this, something I never even had in my childhood? I had no guidance and the cookbooks could only offer so much. Now are you supposed to cut the meat loaf in the pan or can you only ceremoniously turn it out in all it loaved splendidness when the fat has had time to congeal? Something seemed wrong when attempt number two imploded in a sad and not-altogether-fully-cooked heap on the serving plate. No amount of garnish could not save it.

I scraped the remains into a skillet to try and cook it some more. There was no way that was fitting back in the loaf pan. I got out some frozen peas. Then the miracle happened. There were the mashed potatoes. The ground meat. The peas. I had the makings of shepherd's pie. I know in the traditional sense, lamb is what is called for, but my family always made it with ground beef. Just like that, comfort food of my childhood revealed! I hadn't made it in years.

My mother used to object when I would slather my serving with ketchup and stir it up to an unrecognizable mush. I can hear her now, "Sonya that's dis-gusting." Oh, but in such a good way.