The Best Cake or Fast on the heels of that last post o' affirmation
Back when Philip was in second grade, I was baking a cake for a carnival at his school. I remember wishing I had a box or a doily or some way of presenting it and thinking potential into that cake - how it would look so amazing. How it would be the best cake.
And so I have ambled through my life, with this idea that my crafty talent would somehow be discovered in the style of Lana Turner. With a crippling form of modesty and a tendency to look askance at self-promotion, what other scenario could there be for a girl? The problem with external validation is no matter how much is heaped on, it never is really enough. Then it becomes some bad 80s song.
What I have come to think, is that I am a sensitive person who has yet to learn to be my biggest fan. I've spent a long while limiting myself, staying in the shallow end. I've become better about asking for things and that it huge. And now I am going to work on following through with things. Until I can get that job of creative visionary, I need to act on the ideas I have.
Comments (7)
Sonya, this breaks my heart, but thank you for saying it. Me too.
And Salumi for three--yes! When are you coming to Seattle? :)
Posted by Jen | January 23, 2008 2:51 PM
Posted on January 23, 2008 14:51
yup, i agree.
i've been toying with the idea of taking you to task for NOT asking for wash/face cloths when i was on my big cotton knitting binge last year.
well the box (really honestly and truly being mailed tomorrow)--it has some wash cloths.. (and there are more to come) you'll get them till you get up the courage to say, "thank, Helen, but i have enough now!"
(ok, so they will arrive in intermittant clumps.. but they will, at some point arrive!)
Posted by Helen (of Troy) | January 23, 2008 2:53 PM
Posted on January 23, 2008 14:53
Just what I needed to read today - thank you!
Posted by jesse | January 24, 2008 4:16 AM
Posted on January 24, 2008 04:16
You are on the right path, Sonya. Continue to step out. Ask. Seek.
I read sometime ago an author's take on the challenges we face in life and how we look at and them and hold ourselves back. What if the supposed "brick wall" we see is actually made of gossamer? That if we just continue to take steps forward, we will find beauty instead of pain?
Posted by Katherine | January 24, 2008 9:44 AM
Posted on January 24, 2008 09:44
does that mean we won't get discovered?
oh no, that messes up my whole plan.
Lovely post. You are so very talented. You have a way, a joy in what you do. I am so very glad we are friends and that SF is just a car trip away.
If you can't be your own biggest fan maybe you can just stick with the creative stuff that makes time disappear and Satisfies. That is the good stuff.
xxoo
Posted by bitterbetty | January 24, 2008 4:44 PM
Posted on January 24, 2008 16:44
poignant...
Posted by mims | January 24, 2008 5:26 PM
Posted on January 24, 2008 17:26
i love your honesty!
i think a lot of us harbor that hope that one day someone will "discover" us.
i know i do.
Posted by risa | January 28, 2008 10:38 AM
Posted on January 28, 2008 10:38